Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
