I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
