im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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