I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
