We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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