hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
God, I missed his penis.
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