i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
