My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
