Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
