this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
