Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
