i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
this boner is exhausting
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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