What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
