I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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