He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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