wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
