I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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