I think I died a long time ago.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
