So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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