I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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