I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
