How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
a search helicopter?!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
