3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
