Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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