the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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