She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
