You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
