I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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