Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
