Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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