I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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