You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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