I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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