wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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