So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
