My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
