i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
