WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
