I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
