My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
