WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
