What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
there's paper in my vomit.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he fucked my hip out of place.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
