mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
