Someone shit on the floor
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
