I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
