I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
