im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
