new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
