Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
