We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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