She said her name was "party"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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