I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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